My skin’s story

1 Jul

I have a bit of a love hate relationship with myself. Trapped in a melancholy relationship with my acne, one I do not wish to live with.

I have suffered with spots as long as I can remember, even when I was really young i’d have a whopper zit on my chin, back then it didn’t bother me. At around the age of 14 I started to break out like i’d got the plague but they weren’t normal pimples, no, they were angry red whelks that were swollen and painful. It wasn’t just my face that suffered, my upper back and shoulders bore the same burden.

Several pointless doctor visits left me with antibiotics and cream which seemed as useful as a chocolate teapot. Nothing seemed to work and I was so self conscious of my face that my confidence evaporated. At 16 I went to get put on the pill. I’d read about Dianette which helped fellow acne suffers, I wasn’t sure how it worked but to me it performed a miracle.

My back scarred but finally the red lumps had gone, my face cleared up and I was so pleased. I was on this pill for a long time, longer then they like you to be. Six years later when they changed my pill my spots started to return. I was crestfallen, I knew that there had to be something more to them then just the average teenage acne.

Again my doctor didn’t listen. I really started to sink back into the depression pit of pimples.

A chance appointment which led to an internal ultrasound discovered I have PCOS and the connection to my acne was instantly made. Finally I knew it had a name and there was a reason why my skin suffered. Acne is the main symptom of PCOS that I have and in some ways I guess I am lucky in this respect but it’s incredibly hard to view things this way.

Acne has left a lot of physical and mental scares which are apparent even today by the self conscious grip it still has. I hate showing off my back as it’s started to flair up again, my face has been left with large pores, blackheads and purple scars under the skin where the spots used to be.

I desperately search for products I can afford that will help slowly repair some of the physical damage to my skin. These days I have good skin days but the vast majority of them are bad skin days, it’s a fine tightrope line I walk where I struggle to keep my head held high and not look down into that depression pit that’s always beneath my feet.

I will never claim to know everything about skin care because in this field I feel like I am lost.

I am always trying new things to help, believe me if I ever find the holy grail of products that zaps my zits you’ll be the first I will tell. If you have anything you can share (constructive and kind..) then please do.

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6 Responses to “My skin’s story”

  1. Nora Lilly July 8, 2013 at 8:03 pm #

    Aw 😦 I just want to send you a big hug I have thesamebutdifferent sort of skin isssues :L bleagh I’ve had spots for as long as I can remember – once, in year 5, someone started a rumour that I had chicken pox! It’s not really er bumpy (?) anymore, just reeeaally red. This is one of the reasons I like blogging – when I take outfit posts I can make it look like I dont have acne …but you cant do that in real life, not really :((( BUT NO we will be positive – ah crap but thats hard anyways I’ll stop waffling now..
    Hugs, Nora x

    hello-you-blog.blogspot.com

    • Little Red July 8, 2013 at 9:01 pm #

      Thanks for the love and support 🙂 It’s one of life’s little horrible things! I waited so long to ‘grow out’ of my acne but it’s never happened. I would strongly recommend anyone who suffers to NOT put up with it. Pester your doctor till they refer you to a dermatologist because there may be more to it then what you think like me! It’s really not nice to live with but I know i’m not alone ❤

      Thanks for commenting, took a lot of courage to post the no makeup photo to go with it 🙂

      Ellie xx

  2. kimi and me (@kimiandme) July 8, 2013 at 10:20 pm #

    so brave to share this, i suffered for so many years, I just about manage it now. but on a bad skin day, it can ruin all plans and confidence. how do you manage now, i would love to know. i’m going to google PCOS not sure i know what it is. so lovely, you are sharing it on your blog. I wish i was more honest about my skin worries x

    • Little Red July 8, 2013 at 10:23 pm #

      That is incredibly kind of you to say. I manage by accepting it’s a part of me whether I like it or not, I still keep my head down and the concealer on hand but I can’t let it rule what i wear or what I do i’m slowly growing more confident. My boyfriend is a great help with that but it’s still my little demon. Each little scar is a reminder of what i’ve been through because of the acne, the abuse, the bullying the self loathing – all life lessons learnt from and a better person because of it.

      x

  3. RachelCharltonDailey (@RachelCDailey) July 8, 2013 at 10:51 pm #

    I STILL get acne and im 24. They kind of part of me now. I get them on my face, back, neck, boobs, stomach, arms and legs- everywhere! Alot of them are acne scars now which makes it a bugger to go out with makeup.

    • Little Red July 8, 2013 at 10:57 pm #

      Have you ever had a medical opinion on them? X

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